Enveloped In God's Promises: Trip to Guyana Part 1

Kristin and I returned home from Guyana late last night.  There is far more to share about our trip than one post can hold.  There is so much to process and I want to relate things well and in a way that is an encouragement to all who read.  So, I decided to write a series of shorter blogs that focus on just one part of our trip.

Before we left for our trip, I was feeling very anxious about everything, and had a particular fear about leaving my family.  Traveling such long distances always prompts questions of life and death----what if the plane crashes?  will the kids be ok?  will Glen be ok?  For whatever reason, I felt more unrest about leaving on this trip than I had on any previous trip.  Perhaps it was just the emotion surrounding the whole ordeal, knowing I would have to ultimately say "goodbye" to Afeefa, and also seeing my own family grieve when they said goodbye.

Wednesday morning before we left went quite quickly as the kids took their time to say goodbye, and I drove them school, then finished up with all that I needed to do here before I could leave.  Before I knew it, it was time to get going.  The very last thing I saw on my way out the door was a note from Joseph's kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Kloostra, that read, "We are working on this verse.  It is God's promise to Jacob AND to us also."  The verse written below it was Genesis 28:15,  "I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land."  Wow!  It was the very antidote to the anxiety I was feeling;  a word of hope, a promise from God Himself that everything would be fine.  It was a promise that I grasped and treasured as we set off.

Throughout our flight, things went so smoothly.  Afeefa literally slept or played nicely for nearly the entire flight.  What an answer to prayer!  As we were approaching South America, I began to feel overwhelmed again by feelings of anxiety about my own family back home, about having to bring closure  to what had been a very precious time with Afeefa in our lives.  Then, an amazing thing happened.  I looked out the window of the plane, marveling at the mountains and rain forests below when I saw something unlike anything I've ever seen before.  It was a complete circle rainbow, and right in the center of the rainbow you could see the shadow of our plane.  I rubbed my eyes and did a double take, and sure enough, I really was seeing a circular rainbow with us in the center.  I had Kristin look out at it, too, partly to see if I was really just imagining it, and partly because I knew it wasn't my imagination and I wanted Kristin to see it, too.  We both knew and sensed it was a message to us from God, that He had us totally surrounded, enveloped, encircled;  that He was before us, behind us, beside us, and indeed, within us.  He was assuring us that His Word is true, and His promises are sure, and we would never be alone.  And I thought once again of His promise to me from Genesis:  "I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land."

Here we are, back home, safe and sound.  And Afeefa is back in the loving arms of her own family.  But she was on that plane with us, too, and that rainbow also was encircling her.  I pray and believe "He will be with Afeefa and will watch over her wherever she goes, and He will bring her back to this land."  I'm holding on to that promise for her, knowing that next year she will probably need to find a way to come back for testing, and not knowing as of yet how that will happen.  But God does know, and His promises are sure.

My only regret, as I sit here writing this, is that we did not take a picture of that amazing sight so that you could all see it, too.  If any of you is a good artist and would like to attempt to draw it for us, let me know.  I'll give you a more detailed description and you can have fun with it.    :)  If you could just close your eyes, and see yourself, wherever you are, whatever you are going through, in the center of God's Word and in the center of that rainbow, know that His promises are true, and you are not alone.

Three More Days Until Afeefa Goes Home

Wow!  It's hard to believe that three days from now, Kristin VanWieren, Afeefa and I will be on an airplane en route to take Afeefa back to her family in Guyana, South America.  As a Spanish teacher, I've had thoughts of going to South America many times in my life, but I never imagined going to the only English-speaking country on the continent, nor did I imagine I would be going for the purpose of bringing a child that has felt very much like my own back to her home.  

This morning our church had a special time of prayer for the three of us.  A number of our dear friends who have supported, encouraged, and prayed for us these last four months were able to come, which made it extra special.  A lot of people said their final goodbyes to Afeefa this morning----some were much more emotional than I imagined.  It's clear that this precious child has captured many hearts besides our own!

I have begun to pack Afeefa's things and am thinking it will be an interesting adventure to get her and all of her things back home!  We have so many items for her therapy, books that the therapists gave us for her parents to read, some of Afeefa's favorite foods (to hopefully help the transition to go smoothly), and a number of toys and stuffed animals that people have given us along the way.  This weekend, I was particularly touched by a sweet little boy named Connor who gave Afeefa his Build-A-Bear Leopard because he knew that Afeefa could see the spots on him.   I have not ceased to be amazed at how many people are so touched by Afeefa and drawn to her.  

We are all feeling such a mix of emotions as Wednesday is fast approaching.  We're excited for Afeefa's family and for Afeefa that they will soon be reunited.  We are amazed at how far Afeefa has come since she first got here!  Dr. Ference and her therapists at her last check-up were truly amazed at the progress she has made;  her visual field in the weaker eye had even increased slightly.  She is able to see and reach for more unlighted objects, and can see facial expressions and respond to them.  It has been such a blessing to share this little piece of her life and to watch her improve so much!  I truly am eager for her parents to see her progress since she came!  But, we're also very sad.  We have come to love Afeefa as our own family.  Each of the kids has expressed their sadness about her leaving----I know there will be grieving on all of our parts.  But, God who called us to this task promises to provide for all of our needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus   (Philippians 4:19).  Thinking back on this whole experience, He provided donated diapers, lighted toys, days of respite, companions for the long trips to and from Detroit, and tons of prayer support through many of you who are reading this.  In His strength, we've sat up at night when Afeefa cried in discomfort after her surgeries and through illnesses and separation anxiety, in His strength, we've changed lots of diapers, given baths, prepared meals, administered medications, driven to Detroit even when we were tired, and done therapy every day.  None of this has been in our own strength---truly, Christ has done in and through us all that we cannot do ourselves.  And the biggest thing of all, and the thing I most feared I would not be able to do, is that He filled our hearts with a deep love for this precious child.  I remember the first night Afeefa was here, I sat with her crying in my arms and just prayed that Jesus would help me to feel His compassion and love for this child and that somehow I would be able to love her like my own.  Indeed, He not only answered that prayer for me, personally, but I've seen my husband and my kids overflow with love toward her, too.  And again, this is not a boasting in ourselves, but rather in Christ, who loves us and fills us and lives His life of love through us.  To Him be the glory!  

So, I am feeling like it is going to be hard to say "goodbye", but I know that God has  promised to meet all of our needs and to accomplish the task to which He called us. Certainly, letting go is also a part of that task, and I know He will do it for us.  I'm sure it will not be without tears and sadness, but I'm convinced that He'll be our Comforter, and that He'll turn our sadness into joy as we celebrate with Afeefa's family her safe return to them, and the miracle of healing and of sight with which He has gifted Afeefa.

Thanks to all of you who have faithfully prayed for CCM, Afeefa, her family, and ours over the last several months.  Please, continue to pray for us as we say our goodbyes, and as we travel.  We leave Wednesday afternoon, and Lord willing, will arrive in Guyana on Thursday morning.  Also, please continue to pray for Afeefa's family----that they may know "how high and deep and wide is the love of Christ" for them, and that their reunion with Afeefa will be sweet.  Pray also for a good transition for Afeefa, and that Kristin and I will be able to teach her family all that they need to know for her therapy.

A few more pictures, just for fun:

                                                     Glen & Afeefa playing the bongos

                                                         Afeefa and me after her bath

                                                        enjoying a beautiful Fall day

                                                     Dr. Ference and therapist Kevin

                                                   Kristin VanWieren and her daughter Sohpie

                                                        Rosemary, one of the volunteer therapists

                                                      One last visit to Beaumont Hospital

Marathon

A couple of shots from the Grand Rapids Marathon

"Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, keeping our eyes fixed on Jesus...." Those words from Hebrews have gone through my mind a thousand times on runs over the years, and they did once again during the Grand Rapids Marathon on October 17.

"Let us throw off everything that hinders" Physically, when you run, you don't want to wear more clothes than are necessary because they slow you down. It was interesting to start our run with temperatures in the low 40's-----everyone had long sleeves on at the start, but as the race went on, clothes were strewn all along the course. I kept my long-sleeved shirt on for about 2 1/2 miles, and then as the sweat was coming, I could feel the weight of the heavy cotton against my skin and decided it was time to get it off before it affected my performance. Spiritually, a lot of things can hinder our walk with God, but particularly, I think, those things that are excess---sometimes we take on too many things (who? me? None of you have known me to do that, have you?). It's not that those things are bad in and of themselves, but perhaps they detract from serving, and loving, and communing with God the way we were intended to. Even running can be something that hinders---so can facebook, sewing, reading, watching TV, skiing, working, you name it. As our pastor recently reminded us in a sermon, when God is not at the center of all we do, all that we do can become idolatrous and can hinder our walk (or our run!) with God. So, I threw off my shirt at 2 1/2 miles and considered what other things I might shed in my life for the betterment of my walk with God. 26.2 miles gives you a long time to think about such things.

"...and the sin that so easily entangles...." A lot of things hinder us, and then there is sin. Sin not only hinders us, but it traps us, immobilizes us in a very real sense. If I were tangled in a web of strings or ropes early on in my race, or at any point, I would be totally incapacitated to finish or to even advance from one mile to the next. I would need someone to come alongside me and cut the ropes to set me free from my tangled mess. That is exactly what Christ has done for us. We don't need to keep writhing in the grip of our sin when we have a Savior whose ultimate sacrifice "cut the ropes" for us---we are free to run!

"...and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." It's easy to say that at 3, 5, 10, 13, and even 15 miles in a marathon. For the first half of my marathon I literally felt like I was being carried along by God Himself. I was strong, focused, fast. At 13.1 miles I was on my pace to run a sub-4 hour marathon and to possibly qualify for Boston. But, perseverance....Hip pain, dehydration, depleted calories, sore legs, and ever intensifying hip pain. Now perseverance took on its real meaning. Suddenly, my goal shifted from wanting to qualify for Boston, to simply wanting to finish the race. In my marathon, and in my life, perseverance requires a new kind of focus. It requires prayer. It requires a deep inner strength that only comes from Christ in us. When an unexpected hill (mine around mile 12 felt more like a mountain!), an unexpected loss or pain of some sort enters our life, we are called to persevere. Thankfully, I have a husband who was perceptive enough to realize that I was beginning to feel like giving up. So, he came alongside me (not even wearing running shoes, not even having run in AGES), and ran from mile 15 to 20 with me. He didn't say much, just ran beside me, and occasionally told me I was doing such a good job and he was proud of me. From miles 20-26, another good friend, Jamie, ran alongside me. The first thing she did when we started running was to pray with me, for me. That's what we need in our life race, too. We need the support of our brothers and sisters in Christ to help us persevere, to encourage us to just keep going, to pray for us and with us, to just simply be with us. My kids were the best fans on the whole marathon course----they made posters with Bible verses and encouraging words and cheered like nobody else every time they saw me. That, too, helped me to persevere. How could I not keep running when my daughters sign read: "God got you this far, Mommy, you can do it!" And those are wise words for all of us----God has carried us this far in our walk with Him, let us persevere, even if the road is long and it feels all uphill.

"...keeping our eyes fixed on Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith." The real goal of any person who runs a marathon is to finish. Every person who finishes a marathon is adorned with a medal (nice big, heavy one in my case), and greeted with hugs, cheers, and a spread of food like you've never seen. Whether you're the first to finish, or the very last, you still get the same reward. So it is in our walk with Jesus. He is our goal. He is our purpose. We journey through this life to make Him look good, in the hopes of one day being with Him. My goal is not to be the first to be with Jesus, but to simply, when this life is over, be with Him and to share in the joy of His Kingdom with all of my brothers and sisters in Christ. We will share in the celebrating together, whether we finished strong, or hobbling along. If I had taken my mind off of my goal at any point during my marathon training or during the race, I certainly would not have finished. If I quit setting my mind on Christ, if I don't seek Him daily receive HIM as my goal, my purpose, my treasure,my Savior, my meaning in life, I will, when this life is over, stop short of the finish line, and I will lose the most important race of my life.

The verses preceding the one I've been thinking about here say, "Therefore since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off....." As I approached the finish line of the marathon, for the last 3/10 of mile the street was crammed with people cheering for every runner. Many of the people cheering were runners who had already finished their race. In this verse, the great cloud of witnesses, refers to the saints who have gone before us, who have already finished their life race, and who are urging us to persevere in our walk with God and to keep our eyes on Christ . For me, it was particularly meaningful that my kids ran along with me that final quarter of a mile, and that when I crossed the finish line, they were with me. I imagine my grandparents, great grandparents, and their grandparents, etc... all standing in that cloud of witnesses encouraging me on, and I'm sure they are hoping I will leave the same legacy to my children that they have left to me. I want to finish the race well, but I also really do want my children, all of my loved ones and friends to cross the finish line, too. My prayer is that all of you who are even taking the time to read this will fix your eyes, your heart, and your mind on Jesus, that you'll give Him your life, trust Him to save you from your sin and fill your life with purpose and meaning. I pray that those of you who are not yet running the race of the Christian life will join me, and that one day, we may celebrate at the finish together.

So, did I qualify for Boston? No. Did I break 4 hours? Not even. Did I win (as Joseph truly believed I would!)? Absolutely. And it was all by God's grace, and for His glory--- as is the race of my life.

Afeefa Update---Preparing to Go Home

It has been a while since I've updated our blog, and SO much has happened that I might have to update in a couple of entries.

Many of you have been asking for updates on Afeefa, so I'll start with her. We are so incredibly thankful for how God continues to work all things for His glory and how He continues to care for Afeefa and for us. We have seen this throughout Afeefa's time here, but most recently in the provision of a respite family, the Trumbulls. We weren't necessarily feeling the need for a break, but we were given a week without Afeefa while she stayed at the Trumbulls, and it really turned out to be a time of blessing and refreshing for our family. Not only that, we feel like God has given us new friends in in the Trumbull family, and we feel truly blessed.

As many of you know, Dr. Trese saw Afeefa for one last time on October 5.

I want to add here, that I continue to be amazed that Children's Circle Mission was able to find the doctors and team of therapists that they have found for Afeefa. Most of you are not aware that at almost every single visit we had to Dr. Trese, he was being trailed by other doctors from all over the world who had come to learn from him. At each visit I also met people who had come from New York, Alabama, Ohio, Georgia----all of them saying the same, that he is truly the best. I recently did a google search and saw rave reviews of him from people from literally all around the world. Afeefa could not possibly have had better care than Dr Trese has been able to give her. I asked Lita (from CCM) how she even found him, and she pretty much just said it was God's leading. So, we just give Him thanks that Afeefa has had such good care. In addition, the optometrist who tested and fitted Afeefa for her glasses is one of the only people at least in this part of the country who specializes in care for low vision infants. And her therapists there are also top notch. So, I just want to share this because as our time with Afeefa comes to a close, it's just good to reflect on all of the amazing pieces on this journey, and the team of doctors and therapists has certainly been a big part of it all.

With that said, at Afeefa's last appointment with Dr. Trese, he was amazed at her progress and encouraged us to arrange for her return home and to encourage her family to find an ophthalmologist in Guyana who could carry on with her long-term care. He is very confident that he has done all he can, and that Afeefa is ready for this next step in her journey.

In preparing for her return home, again I just see how God is providing for her. One of the biggest long-term needs she has are for regular testing for glaucoma, as she is at a high risk for this disease; Afeefa's mom informed me on Friday that she was able to connect with a doctor in Georgetown, Guyana who is able and willing to do these tests. We are so thankful that she has made this connection and that Afeefa will have someone to keep an eye on her over the next years. Dr. Trese has also offered to be available should they ever have questions or need guidance, so it seems that things are in place for a good future for Afeefa.

Her second big long-term need is for continuing therapy. We had hoped there would be some way for Afeefa's mom to come here and learn everything, but that is just such a complicated thing because of how strict the US is regarding visas. So, at a meeting we had with CCM, they agreed that the best thing for Afeefa would be for me to bring her back to her mom and to spend a couple of days teaching her all that I have learned. Kevin, one of Afeefa's therapists, had explained to us that Afeefa's surgery is what gave her the potential for sight, and that the therapy that is done over the next 3-5 years will ultimately determine how much sight she gains. So, the therapy piece is crucial for her mom to learn. My neighbor Nadean has graciously offered to help me produce a teaching DVD, as well----if you ever need anyone to make videos for you, let me know and I'll connect you to her (this is her business). Also, I was able to coordinate a meeting with two retired vision therapists who have specialized for 30 years with low vision infants and children; they will meet us at Afeefa's final check-up with the therapist in Detroit, and have agreed to be video-taped for the teaching DVD. I feel like God is pulling all of the pieces together for Afeefa to have long-term success.

Not only that, we just see her improving with her eyes all of the time. She can focus longer on things for therapy, she keeps her head up almost all the time, keeps her glasses on more of the time than not----all of these are the signs the doctors have told us to look for as indication of improved vision. She also likes to play peek-a-boo, which is a pretty significant development, too. So, God is good. He is faithful 100%, and though we are very sad at the thought of Afeefa going home, we have peace and joy knowing that she will get good care and be reunited with her family.

I have a plane ticket to take Afeefa home on November 17, and to return on November 22. There are a lot of details that need to come together before this time, so please, keep us in your prayers. Lord willing, I will have four days to teach as much as I can to Afeefa's family, and to hopefully help Afeefa transition back to her family. As many of you have observed, Afeefa has become very attached to us---and we to her---so we would appreciate your prayers for her to bond and reconnect well with her own family. The nurses at our pediatrician's office shared with us that it's good that she is able to go back now, as reattachment to her own family would become more difficult the longer she stays (I know that this is true, but I think they mostly shared it to make me feel better about her leaving). So, we are all sad, but we rejoice at the success of this whole journey for Afeefa. The whole experience has taught us so much, and it has been a tremendous joy to care for her----money could never buy the joy that this has given us, and there aren't words to express it.

I'll attach of couple of recent pictures for your viewing enjoyment! Thanks for your continued prayers!

Afeefa Update, Ride for Refuge 2010, and Marathon Dreams

I thought some of you might like to see Afeefa "in action." Each day, part of her therapy involves encouraging her to reach for what she is seeing. When she first started, she would sometimes not reach at all, and when she did, she was way off and would miss the ball by several inches. You can see that she is progressing well! In fact, yesterday she had a final visit with Dr. Trese who did her surgery. He was very pleased with her progress, with her healing, as well as her ability to focus and track with a light. He believes that medically, she is ready to return home. No date has been set yet, but we do know that she is well enough to return to her family, and for that we praise God! I want to thank all of you who have been praying for Afeefa, her family, and ours during these months. Please, continue to pray for Afeefa as she will need to continue with her therapy for the next years; pray that her family will be able to learn all that they need to do to care for her, that they will find a good opthamologist in Guyana, and that they will have peace during the remainder of Afeefa's time here. Pray for strength for our family, too, and that I'll be able to do the therapy she needs each day.

Last Saturday, 5-6 months of work culminated in the Grand Rapids Ride for Refuge. We had a beautiful day---a little cold and windy, but no rain! An estimated 600 riders and 150-200 volunteers came together to make this year's ride a huge success. I have heard so many wonderful words of encouragement from many of you, and want you to know how much we appreciate it. We have truly been running on "fumes"---very few hours of sleep and countless details to work out; your kind words, and especially your participation, either by being there, or by sponsoring riders, has made our months of work worth it. Someone asked if we get paid to organize and direct the Ride for Refuge, so I'll answer here---no, we don't get paid---at least not in cash. Our payment was what we saw on Saturday---a community pulling together with one focus and aim, to glorify God and to share Christ's compassion with hurting people all around the world. No amount of money could give us what we have received in joy doing this. So, thanks to you all who were a part of the Ride in one way or another. To God be the glory!

Many of you are aware also of the seemingly insane undertaking oftraining for the Grand Rapids Marathon since May. In actuality, for all of you who think we are crazy, you need to know, that my running time has been my only alone time since the kids were born, and if I didn't do it, I would be insane. It gives me time to pray, to think, to enjoy the world around me, and to take care of my sometimes frail body. Anyway, I have a little paper I wrote in 4th grade about my dream to run the Boston Marathon (of course, at the time, I didn't know you had to qualify with a rediculously fast marathon time!), and for years I have wanted to try. After completing the Riverbank 25k in May, I decided this was the year to try. All of my training has gone well, and I have even felt that qualifying for Boston isn't a totally unrealistic goal----until I recently was injured because of switching into the wrong shoes and ended up not doing my last long run and taking 2 full weeks off of running. I have been very discouraged about it because it has been a huge time committment for me (many 4:30AM Saturdays and lonely, long miles!), my family, and the friends who have helped me to do this. Many of you have been praying that I'll still be able to do the marathon, and as of this morning, I think I'm still going to try (my new goal is just to finish). I was able to complete an 8-mile run with little pain on Sunday (thanks, Jamie, for running with me!), and early this morning, I was able to run 12 miles with no pain! I can only give God the praise for the healing I've experienced, and I think it's appropriate that I am not at my best right now training-wise, because if I am able to complete the marathon on October 17, there will be no doubt that it was by God's hand and grace and I won't be able to take any of the credit. I'll keep you posted as to how it goes.

I think this blog entry has gotten lengthy enough, and some of you probably won't even read the whole thing, so I'll end it here.

2009 Grand Rapids Ride Video

I couldn't figure out how to get this on my previous post, so if you'd like to see last year's ride slide show, here it is.

And don't forget, it isn't too late to sign up for this year's Ride, which is taking place this Saturday, October 2 at Byron Center Christian Middle School. You can sign up or sponsor a rider at www.rideforrefuge.org.

Ride for Refuge

Most of you are aware that Glen and I are the organizers of the Grand Rapids area Ride for Refuge. This Saturday, October 2, our months of planning will culminate with the actual bike ride taking place. We're anticipating more riders than last year (we had over 500 last year on a rainy Saturday), and hoping to raise $100,000 for ministries that serve the most vulnerable, exploited, and displaced people's of the world. The we have more than 60 ride teams signed up, and more than 20 different organizations participating----the funds for the ride will help disaster relief and world hunger around the globe, orphanages and refugees in several african countries, and homeless people right here in Grand Rapids, just to give you a sense of the scope of impact this year's ride could have.

It is not too late to sign up to ride, and it is certainly not too late to sponsor a rider if you haven't already done so. Go to http://www.rideforrefuge.org/ to sign up (you can join my team, or Rebecca, Micah, or Caleb's teams), or to give.

Please, keep the whole event in your prayers---that it will be more than a bike ride, that it will be meaningful for all those who participate, and that the funds raised will make a lasting impact across the globe for the sake of Jesus Christ.