Not What We Expected----Guyana Part 2

In the days anticipating our trip to Guyana, and on the plane rides, too, I kept imagining what it would be like to share in the reunion of Afeefa with her family.  For myself, I was already grieving the "goodbye" that was soon to happen.  I had watched my kids say goodbye to Afeefa the morning we left, and seeing their tears and their grief definitely triggered the sadness in me, too.  But, I was also feeling a sense of quiet peace and joy, especially when I thought about Afeefa's mom, and the long-awaited reunion that we were about to witness.  I imagined arriving at the airport to Afeefa's family, jubilantly waiting for us. I imagined tears of joy freely flowing, and Afeefa somehow recognizing her mom and happily leaving my arms, and going into the arms of her own dear mother.

(This is a picture Kristin took right before we entered the airport)

Kristin and I had talked about our arrival, and while I had "fanciful" visions of what it could be, I also was keenly aware of how attached Afeefa was to me, so I wasn't sure how things would go.  Nonetheless, we prepared for a great reunion.  Kristin had the camera ready and we hoped to capture the moment on film.
But before the reunion could take place, we had to go through customs and get all of our luggage---which was a lot because we had all of Afeefa's clothes and toys and things for her therapy.  While standing in the customs line, I suddenly realized that I wasn't sure which line to stand in because I had a US passport, but Afeefa's was a Guyanese one.  Just as I began puzzling over which line I should be in, a security guard approached me and Kristin. ( I guess two tall, blonde women with a Guyanese child in tow looked a little suspicious.)  He began to ask all sorts of questions:  "Is this your baby?  Why do you have her?  Where are you going with this baby? How long have you had her?   Does her family know you? etc... Do you know the address to where you are going?"  I could answer all of those questions, but the last.  I didn't bother taking Afeefa's home address with me since I knew her family would be meeting us there.  Apparently my lack of ability to answer that question, however, caused the guard to need to take me and Afeefa out of the customs line, leaving Kristin on her own.

He escorted us out of the airport and said, "Do you see the child's mother?"  No, I didn't see her.  I didn't even really know what she looked like.  After looking around for a minute or two, however, I saw Afeefa's mom come running toward us----yes, this had to be Afeefa's mom.  She seemed excited, but not emotional the way we Americans would be at such a moment.  And Afeefa's response to her and the whole situation was one of fear and not knowing what was happening.  I tried to hand her off to Afeefa's mom, but she held tightly to me.  This was not how I had hoped for this special reunion to take place.  Furthermore, we didn't even get "the moment" on film.  The officer took Afeefa's mom, me and Afeefa back to where our luggage was, and shortly thereafter we were reunited with Kristin (who made it through the customs line on her own with no issues).

Kristin, Afsana (Afeefa's mom), Me and Afeefa, and Abdul (Afeefa's dad)

After gathering our things, we were greeted by an entourage of Afeefa's family members and friends. We gathered together for pictures in front of the airport, and then were on our way to Corriverton, Afeefa's hometown.  Kristin and I were "in the zone," as we hadn't slept in 20-some hours, and the shock from the cold to the sweltering heat, the different language (we expected to hear English, as English is the official language of Guyana, but everyone speaks creolese--very interesting from a linguistic standpoint, but when you're half asleep, somewhat challenging.), and just the whole surreal feeling of the day, made for a long car ride.  I also kept wanting Afeefa to go to her mom or grandma, and they would attempt to hold her, but she just needed me.  Afeefa's mom handled all of this so well----she understood Afeefa's attachment to me and was so good about all of it.  For me, all of it was just a bit overwhelming.  I had mentally prepared myself to stop being the mom the moment we met Afeefa's family, but it was clear that Afeefa needed me to still be her mom for a few more hours before that transition could happen.  And frankly, as much as I felt ready to step back, it was not easy to do. 

I think Kristin was able to enjoy---or at least take in the Guyanese landscape on our ride, but I truly don't remember seeing any of it.  The only thing I have a clear recollection of is the quaint little fruit stand where we stopped and enjoyed our first "real" bananas and coconut water.  Other than that, I was consumed for the whole ride with Afeefa---holding her and contemplating the reality that this was the end of being her "mom."  Several hours after leaving the airport in Georgetown, we arrived---Afeefa was home at last.

Enveloped In God's Promises: Trip to Guyana Part 1

Kristin and I returned home from Guyana late last night.  There is far more to share about our trip than one post can hold.  There is so much to process and I want to relate things well and in a way that is an encouragement to all who read.  So, I decided to write a series of shorter blogs that focus on just one part of our trip.

Before we left for our trip, I was feeling very anxious about everything, and had a particular fear about leaving my family.  Traveling such long distances always prompts questions of life and death----what if the plane crashes?  will the kids be ok?  will Glen be ok?  For whatever reason, I felt more unrest about leaving on this trip than I had on any previous trip.  Perhaps it was just the emotion surrounding the whole ordeal, knowing I would have to ultimately say "goodbye" to Afeefa, and also seeing my own family grieve when they said goodbye.

Wednesday morning before we left went quite quickly as the kids took their time to say goodbye, and I drove them school, then finished up with all that I needed to do here before I could leave.  Before I knew it, it was time to get going.  The very last thing I saw on my way out the door was a note from Joseph's kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Kloostra, that read, "We are working on this verse.  It is God's promise to Jacob AND to us also."  The verse written below it was Genesis 28:15,  "I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land."  Wow!  It was the very antidote to the anxiety I was feeling;  a word of hope, a promise from God Himself that everything would be fine.  It was a promise that I grasped and treasured as we set off.

Throughout our flight, things went so smoothly.  Afeefa literally slept or played nicely for nearly the entire flight.  What an answer to prayer!  As we were approaching South America, I began to feel overwhelmed again by feelings of anxiety about my own family back home, about having to bring closure  to what had been a very precious time with Afeefa in our lives.  Then, an amazing thing happened.  I looked out the window of the plane, marveling at the mountains and rain forests below when I saw something unlike anything I've ever seen before.  It was a complete circle rainbow, and right in the center of the rainbow you could see the shadow of our plane.  I rubbed my eyes and did a double take, and sure enough, I really was seeing a circular rainbow with us in the center.  I had Kristin look out at it, too, partly to see if I was really just imagining it, and partly because I knew it wasn't my imagination and I wanted Kristin to see it, too.  We both knew and sensed it was a message to us from God, that He had us totally surrounded, enveloped, encircled;  that He was before us, behind us, beside us, and indeed, within us.  He was assuring us that His Word is true, and His promises are sure, and we would never be alone.  And I thought once again of His promise to me from Genesis:  "I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land."

Here we are, back home, safe and sound.  And Afeefa is back in the loving arms of her own family.  But she was on that plane with us, too, and that rainbow also was encircling her.  I pray and believe "He will be with Afeefa and will watch over her wherever she goes, and He will bring her back to this land."  I'm holding on to that promise for her, knowing that next year she will probably need to find a way to come back for testing, and not knowing as of yet how that will happen.  But God does know, and His promises are sure.

My only regret, as I sit here writing this, is that we did not take a picture of that amazing sight so that you could all see it, too.  If any of you is a good artist and would like to attempt to draw it for us, let me know.  I'll give you a more detailed description and you can have fun with it.    :)  If you could just close your eyes, and see yourself, wherever you are, whatever you are going through, in the center of God's Word and in the center of that rainbow, know that His promises are true, and you are not alone.

Three More Days Until Afeefa Goes Home

Wow!  It's hard to believe that three days from now, Kristin VanWieren, Afeefa and I will be on an airplane en route to take Afeefa back to her family in Guyana, South America.  As a Spanish teacher, I've had thoughts of going to South America many times in my life, but I never imagined going to the only English-speaking country on the continent, nor did I imagine I would be going for the purpose of bringing a child that has felt very much like my own back to her home.  

This morning our church had a special time of prayer for the three of us.  A number of our dear friends who have supported, encouraged, and prayed for us these last four months were able to come, which made it extra special.  A lot of people said their final goodbyes to Afeefa this morning----some were much more emotional than I imagined.  It's clear that this precious child has captured many hearts besides our own!

I have begun to pack Afeefa's things and am thinking it will be an interesting adventure to get her and all of her things back home!  We have so many items for her therapy, books that the therapists gave us for her parents to read, some of Afeefa's favorite foods (to hopefully help the transition to go smoothly), and a number of toys and stuffed animals that people have given us along the way.  This weekend, I was particularly touched by a sweet little boy named Connor who gave Afeefa his Build-A-Bear Leopard because he knew that Afeefa could see the spots on him.   I have not ceased to be amazed at how many people are so touched by Afeefa and drawn to her.  

We are all feeling such a mix of emotions as Wednesday is fast approaching.  We're excited for Afeefa's family and for Afeefa that they will soon be reunited.  We are amazed at how far Afeefa has come since she first got here!  Dr. Ference and her therapists at her last check-up were truly amazed at the progress she has made;  her visual field in the weaker eye had even increased slightly.  She is able to see and reach for more unlighted objects, and can see facial expressions and respond to them.  It has been such a blessing to share this little piece of her life and to watch her improve so much!  I truly am eager for her parents to see her progress since she came!  But, we're also very sad.  We have come to love Afeefa as our own family.  Each of the kids has expressed their sadness about her leaving----I know there will be grieving on all of our parts.  But, God who called us to this task promises to provide for all of our needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus   (Philippians 4:19).  Thinking back on this whole experience, He provided donated diapers, lighted toys, days of respite, companions for the long trips to and from Detroit, and tons of prayer support through many of you who are reading this.  In His strength, we've sat up at night when Afeefa cried in discomfort after her surgeries and through illnesses and separation anxiety, in His strength, we've changed lots of diapers, given baths, prepared meals, administered medications, driven to Detroit even when we were tired, and done therapy every day.  None of this has been in our own strength---truly, Christ has done in and through us all that we cannot do ourselves.  And the biggest thing of all, and the thing I most feared I would not be able to do, is that He filled our hearts with a deep love for this precious child.  I remember the first night Afeefa was here, I sat with her crying in my arms and just prayed that Jesus would help me to feel His compassion and love for this child and that somehow I would be able to love her like my own.  Indeed, He not only answered that prayer for me, personally, but I've seen my husband and my kids overflow with love toward her, too.  And again, this is not a boasting in ourselves, but rather in Christ, who loves us and fills us and lives His life of love through us.  To Him be the glory!  

So, I am feeling like it is going to be hard to say "goodbye", but I know that God has  promised to meet all of our needs and to accomplish the task to which He called us. Certainly, letting go is also a part of that task, and I know He will do it for us.  I'm sure it will not be without tears and sadness, but I'm convinced that He'll be our Comforter, and that He'll turn our sadness into joy as we celebrate with Afeefa's family her safe return to them, and the miracle of healing and of sight with which He has gifted Afeefa.

Thanks to all of you who have faithfully prayed for CCM, Afeefa, her family, and ours over the last several months.  Please, continue to pray for us as we say our goodbyes, and as we travel.  We leave Wednesday afternoon, and Lord willing, will arrive in Guyana on Thursday morning.  Also, please continue to pray for Afeefa's family----that they may know "how high and deep and wide is the love of Christ" for them, and that their reunion with Afeefa will be sweet.  Pray also for a good transition for Afeefa, and that Kristin and I will be able to teach her family all that they need to know for her therapy.

A few more pictures, just for fun:

                                                     Glen & Afeefa playing the bongos

                                                         Afeefa and me after her bath

                                                        enjoying a beautiful Fall day

                                                     Dr. Ference and therapist Kevin

                                                   Kristin VanWieren and her daughter Sohpie

                                                        Rosemary, one of the volunteer therapists

                                                      One last visit to Beaumont Hospital

Marathon

A couple of shots from the Grand Rapids Marathon

"Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, keeping our eyes fixed on Jesus...." Those words from Hebrews have gone through my mind a thousand times on runs over the years, and they did once again during the Grand Rapids Marathon on October 17.

"Let us throw off everything that hinders" Physically, when you run, you don't want to wear more clothes than are necessary because they slow you down. It was interesting to start our run with temperatures in the low 40's-----everyone had long sleeves on at the start, but as the race went on, clothes were strewn all along the course. I kept my long-sleeved shirt on for about 2 1/2 miles, and then as the sweat was coming, I could feel the weight of the heavy cotton against my skin and decided it was time to get it off before it affected my performance. Spiritually, a lot of things can hinder our walk with God, but particularly, I think, those things that are excess---sometimes we take on too many things (who? me? None of you have known me to do that, have you?). It's not that those things are bad in and of themselves, but perhaps they detract from serving, and loving, and communing with God the way we were intended to. Even running can be something that hinders---so can facebook, sewing, reading, watching TV, skiing, working, you name it. As our pastor recently reminded us in a sermon, when God is not at the center of all we do, all that we do can become idolatrous and can hinder our walk (or our run!) with God. So, I threw off my shirt at 2 1/2 miles and considered what other things I might shed in my life for the betterment of my walk with God. 26.2 miles gives you a long time to think about such things.

"...and the sin that so easily entangles...." A lot of things hinder us, and then there is sin. Sin not only hinders us, but it traps us, immobilizes us in a very real sense. If I were tangled in a web of strings or ropes early on in my race, or at any point, I would be totally incapacitated to finish or to even advance from one mile to the next. I would need someone to come alongside me and cut the ropes to set me free from my tangled mess. That is exactly what Christ has done for us. We don't need to keep writhing in the grip of our sin when we have a Savior whose ultimate sacrifice "cut the ropes" for us---we are free to run!

"...and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." It's easy to say that at 3, 5, 10, 13, and even 15 miles in a marathon. For the first half of my marathon I literally felt like I was being carried along by God Himself. I was strong, focused, fast. At 13.1 miles I was on my pace to run a sub-4 hour marathon and to possibly qualify for Boston. But, perseverance....Hip pain, dehydration, depleted calories, sore legs, and ever intensifying hip pain. Now perseverance took on its real meaning. Suddenly, my goal shifted from wanting to qualify for Boston, to simply wanting to finish the race. In my marathon, and in my life, perseverance requires a new kind of focus. It requires prayer. It requires a deep inner strength that only comes from Christ in us. When an unexpected hill (mine around mile 12 felt more like a mountain!), an unexpected loss or pain of some sort enters our life, we are called to persevere. Thankfully, I have a husband who was perceptive enough to realize that I was beginning to feel like giving up. So, he came alongside me (not even wearing running shoes, not even having run in AGES), and ran from mile 15 to 20 with me. He didn't say much, just ran beside me, and occasionally told me I was doing such a good job and he was proud of me. From miles 20-26, another good friend, Jamie, ran alongside me. The first thing she did when we started running was to pray with me, for me. That's what we need in our life race, too. We need the support of our brothers and sisters in Christ to help us persevere, to encourage us to just keep going, to pray for us and with us, to just simply be with us. My kids were the best fans on the whole marathon course----they made posters with Bible verses and encouraging words and cheered like nobody else every time they saw me. That, too, helped me to persevere. How could I not keep running when my daughters sign read: "God got you this far, Mommy, you can do it!" And those are wise words for all of us----God has carried us this far in our walk with Him, let us persevere, even if the road is long and it feels all uphill.

"...keeping our eyes fixed on Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith." The real goal of any person who runs a marathon is to finish. Every person who finishes a marathon is adorned with a medal (nice big, heavy one in my case), and greeted with hugs, cheers, and a spread of food like you've never seen. Whether you're the first to finish, or the very last, you still get the same reward. So it is in our walk with Jesus. He is our goal. He is our purpose. We journey through this life to make Him look good, in the hopes of one day being with Him. My goal is not to be the first to be with Jesus, but to simply, when this life is over, be with Him and to share in the joy of His Kingdom with all of my brothers and sisters in Christ. We will share in the celebrating together, whether we finished strong, or hobbling along. If I had taken my mind off of my goal at any point during my marathon training or during the race, I certainly would not have finished. If I quit setting my mind on Christ, if I don't seek Him daily receive HIM as my goal, my purpose, my treasure,my Savior, my meaning in life, I will, when this life is over, stop short of the finish line, and I will lose the most important race of my life.

The verses preceding the one I've been thinking about here say, "Therefore since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off....." As I approached the finish line of the marathon, for the last 3/10 of mile the street was crammed with people cheering for every runner. Many of the people cheering were runners who had already finished their race. In this verse, the great cloud of witnesses, refers to the saints who have gone before us, who have already finished their life race, and who are urging us to persevere in our walk with God and to keep our eyes on Christ . For me, it was particularly meaningful that my kids ran along with me that final quarter of a mile, and that when I crossed the finish line, they were with me. I imagine my grandparents, great grandparents, and their grandparents, etc... all standing in that cloud of witnesses encouraging me on, and I'm sure they are hoping I will leave the same legacy to my children that they have left to me. I want to finish the race well, but I also really do want my children, all of my loved ones and friends to cross the finish line, too. My prayer is that all of you who are even taking the time to read this will fix your eyes, your heart, and your mind on Jesus, that you'll give Him your life, trust Him to save you from your sin and fill your life with purpose and meaning. I pray that those of you who are not yet running the race of the Christian life will join me, and that one day, we may celebrate at the finish together.

So, did I qualify for Boston? No. Did I break 4 hours? Not even. Did I win (as Joseph truly believed I would!)? Absolutely. And it was all by God's grace, and for His glory--- as is the race of my life.